How Rooted Makes You Better at Sex
I had a funny realization the other day, in the middle of Rooted’s Self Care in the City WORK Playshop: Rooted makes you (including me) better at sex.
To be clear, I am not a “sexpert” and there is nothing in Rooted’s mission or intention AT ALL having to do with intercourse, but I believe sex is a natural, healthy, fun form of human expression, and I do not think it a stretch to link it to wellness. So, let me explain my realization and theory.
A great point of the Playshop is that Emotional wellness often takes a backseat to three other, more accepted sides of self-care; Physical, Intellectual, and Spiritual. There’s no question these three aspects of the human condition contribute to good sex. Physically speaking, the quality of your lovemaking will improve if you are fully-hydrated, well-rested, and (at least) able to climb a flight of stairs. Intellectually, it’s important to understand your sexual partner’s anatomy. While the male physiology may be quite simple, there are thousands of jokes and magazine articles chiding men for failing to know the intricacies of female sex organs. Boning up in this area would no doubt enhance your mojo considerably. Furthermore, I would put out there that if you respect and compliment someone mentally, you will have better sexual chemistry. And, if you’re so inclined, there is a plethora of intellectually-stimulating, sex games, intended to take lovemaking to the next level by involving the brain.
The Spiritual components of good sex are just as plentiful. As with meditation, it is useful to clear the mind and stay present. Like spirituality, good sex can open our hearts to love, and there is, of course, that nice euphoric feeling after a good romp that is nothing short of divine.
But the Physical, Intellectual and Spiritual components are only three of the four self-care components. If you’ve been ignoring your Emotional wellness as of late, chances are your sex life may be suffering. But how? What is the connection between emotional wellness and sex? And, just as importantly, how does Rooted nourish the neglected emotional self? To answer these questions, let’s take a look at five measures of emotional wellbeing, which also happen to be five of the major tenets of Rooted Self Expression Center.
SELF-KNOWLEDGE
The first aim of Rooted’s many artistic offerings is self-knowledge. Participants are encouraged to better know themselves not solely through contemplation and discussion, but through movement, drawing, free writing – a vast array of artistic endeavors that, in the absence of premeditated language, often speak volumes about the self.
HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU BETTER AT SEX?
Sex is better when you know what you want and make decisions. Both for you, and the partner who is giving it to you. Lights on or off? Top or bottom? Handcuffs or blindfold? What you or your partner is in the mood for may change from day to day, but that’s okay because YOU change from day to day. Rather than sticking with that one thing that made you feel good that one time (cough… CANDLE WAX …), be open to the possibility of the moment and what you’re FEELING right now.
SELF-ACCEPTANCE
In a Rooted session, as you learn about yourself – from a simple emotional state to a major life realization – acceptance of discoveries and yourself is championed every step of the way. The use of emotional check-ins, affirmations, and the tone of the final Empathy Circle (which discourages advice, allowing participants to simply exist) all go a long way to reassure you, wherever you are, it’s okay.
HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU BETTER AT SEX?
Once you accept what you desire, you will allow yourself to enjoy it. In other words, be okay with liking kinky shit. Being confident in what you desire will in turn help your partner to open up and enjoy themselves too. On top of that, acceptance prevents expectations, and allows every sexual experience to be unique.
SELF-COMPASSION
In addition to accepting the self, Rooted encourages participants to love the self. Whether in a prompt for a creative activity, a direction in free-writing, or a theme for a group discussion, Rooted will always ask participants to take note of the way they treat themselves, and the tone with which they speak to themselves. If at all possible, it will encourage participants to be gentler and kinder in this regard, treating one’s self as they would a loved one.
HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU BETTER AT SEX?
Don’t be hard on yourself. Treat yourself as you would your sexual partner – which, by the way, should be with respect and care. Even if your sexual adventures skew towards the violent, safety and compassion will make that sex great, i.e. use a safe word. I recommend “popsicle”, unless you’re also using popsicles, in which case, maybe, “porcupine”?
RELAXATION AND PLAY
It would be hard not to find both relaxation and play in any one of Rooted’s offerings. The atmosphere of trust and acceptance established at the beginning of every session is intended to liberate participants to interact as vulnerably, spontaneously, and truthfully as possible. Participants may be guided, with deep breaths, through a visualization on soft, comfy pillows, or involved in an interactive, giggle-inducing activity. That’s not to say that all play at Rooted is happy. There are plenty of opportunities for other types of curious interaction, but I will save that for our final category…
HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU BETTER AT SEX?
If you enjoy tense, stressful sex, then I suppose you needn’t bother with Emotional wellness. But even if that’s the case, I’d still invite you to try a more relaxed coitus. As for play, as I iterated above, it doesn’t have to be all fun and games. Not much of a dirty talker? Do you prefer fierce faces to smiles? Are you not interested in my sex dice? Cool. Regardless of your specific proclivity, a heightened sense of curiosity and interactivity could go a long way.
CONNECTION
I would peg connection as the singular most important concept at Rooted. It’s all about a group of strangers coming together to experience some aspects of themselves through, with and around people doing the same. It’s amazing how far participants can come in sixty (or ninety) short minutes, from the first icebreaker, through the final (often tearful) revelations. There are so many things we do at Rooted to allow for these moments of connection, but in the end it’s something I’d rather invite you to experience than describe here.
HOW DOES THIS MAKE YOU BETTER AT SEX?
Connection is easily the most important component of good sex. Yes, people are physically connected in the southern hemisphere, but in good or even great sex, people are connected emotionally. Whether it’s through eye contact, listening to each other’s bodies, or communicating verbally; however briefly, however deeply, everything about sex is better when connected. But don’t take my word for it, see for yourself! (Responsibly, that is.)
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