You got this!
Indulge me, if you will, in a little exercise: think of a question that you’ve been pondering. Maybe something as simple as “what is my favorite thing to do?” or something as tough as “do I want to stay at my job?” OK, got a question?
I’ll wait….
Now close your eyes and ask that question of yourself.
What was the first answer that came to mind? Got it? Before you ignore it or try to rationalize against it, remember that this first answer was your intuition speaking.
Now think about it – how often do you follow your intuition? You know, this little voice that pokes at you from the inside to tell you your truth? I bring this up because I’m realizing that I’ve spent a decent amount of time muffling mine. Most often when I do it, I spend a lot of time rationalizing and being confused…. searching, searching, searching, for that elusive answer… the one that is usually sitting right in front of me. Do you know what I mean?
Case and point is when I was in a marriage that wasn’t working for me. I had tried so many things to make it work (conversations, change in my behaviors, counseling); yet, I was haunted by the question: “should I stay in this relationship?” In retrospect, I knew the answer right away (sadly, it was a ‘no’), but instead of listening to it, I got out spreadsheets to write the pros and cons of staying in the marriage so that I could analyze what I already knew.
Even though I spent more than a year being consumed by my struggle to ‘find’ the answer, I started to see that when I spoke to my friends or asked them what they thought I should do, I didn’t really need them to tell me. I saw that even when they gave me an answer, I only agreed with them when it was the one that actually reflected what was already inside. I started to see the choice I had to make.
I’ve spent more time thinking about it since and I now realize that I was fighting it so hard because I was afraid of what my answer actually was. I was not ready to face my truth. I didn’t want to live the consequences that came along with it. AND there was a hope in me that if I ignored it, that it would change.
To be fair, divorce is not something to take lightly so I’m not saying that I should’ve just rushed into action, but I’m really pointing to the life energy I expended burying what I was feeling. If I would’ve allowed myself to know my fears, at least I could’ve saved the angst of the perceived unknown while I was giving myself the time I needed to act.
Still, I am so grateful that I went through that process. It was needed for me to examine that I was not listening to myself. I don’t wish to reverse it or regret it, but one thing is for sure, I don’t want to keep repeating it. Does that mean that I always follow my intuition now? Alas, no, but, I do see progress. I’m now noticing that when I ignore my inner voice, I tend to get a sick feeling in my stomach. Something inside me knows that I’m ignoring something important and I’m starting to pay attention to it more and more.
I can also see that I’m actually building a stronger intuition every time that I let it speak. Does it mean that my intuition is always right? No, but what I do know is that the more that I listen to it, the stronger and more informed it becomes; if I do it “wrong” then the results of this wrong inform my intuition going forward. In the end, knowing and accepting what I feel is the strongest answer that I’ve found to keeping myself out of the mire of endless analysis and repetitive thought patterns that lead to so much discontent.
In fact, I followed my intuition with founding Rooted. I don’t know where it will lead me, but I have learned so much about myself in the process and the best part is that I feel like I’ve created a space for others to do the same.
My intuition says that creating this space for us all to practice knowing our own intuition and inner voice is a worthwhile endeavor.
